58: 6 Steps to Being a Really Great Sleeper

consistency habits sleep Apr 06, 2021

Does your sleep suck? Maybe you aren't on a solid schedule or you're not getting quality sleep when you're in bed.

When your sleep sucks, you're more likely to reach for caffeine, sugar, and processed carbs to stay awake... which ends up messing up the next night of sleep too!

When your sleep sucks, you're more likely to get injured. Sleep is a time for your body to repair itself.

When your sleep sucks, you're more likely to just feel blah all day. You're more likely to skip your morning Self-Care Session and more likely to feel irritable and snap at your partner or your family.

But when you do have quality sleep, you just feel better all around.

You're more likely to wake up on time and feel energized in the morning, exercise in the morning, start the day with water and a 3P Green Smoothie rather than loads of caffeine... Erika Tabur talked about being in a high energy loop versus being in a low energy loop in this podcast episode. Yes. Exactly.

When you decide to focus on your overall health, you will decide you need to look at your sleep and set up boundaries and structure to get quality sleep.

Today I am going to teach you 5 Easy Steps to Becoming a Really Good Sleeper!

Step 1: I've said it a million times, and I will continue to say it! Let's figure out your pain, pleasure, current identity, and aspirational identity. Right now as I am typing, I am naming these these the Big 4s/Force. I will get back to you on if I decide to continue to call them those. Hehe.

Ok- The Big 4s/Force these are your motivating factors for getting better sleep.

Pain- I am so sick and tired of feeling _______.

Pleasure- I would like to start feeling _______.

Current identity- When it comes to sleep, I see myself as a / someone who ________.

Aspirational identity- When it comes to sleep, I'd like to see myself as a / someone who _______.

Examples:

Pain- I am so sick and tired of feeling tired, cranky, low energy, and irritable all day.

Pleasure- I would like to start feeling energized, pleasant, and easy-going.

Current identity- When it comes to sleep, I see myself as someone who just gets crappy sleep because I am watching TV at night, on my phone, ruminating about the day, or worrying about how I won't be able to fall asleep. It's frustrating.

Aspirational identity- When it comes to sleep, I'd like to see myself as someone who falls asleep easily and gets good sleep. I'd love to be a really good sleeper! I'd love to lay down on my pillow and fall asleep within minutes.

Great! Now we know where you are, we know how you're feeling, we know where you want to be, and we know how you want to feel. Solid Big 4s/Force!

Step 2: Be proactive and name the people you will need to tell about your sleep plan.

So many of my clients have struggled with sleep because they've felt pressure to stay up at night because they didn't want to disappoint their spouse or they didn't want to miss out on the fun their roommates were having.

I get it. It's trade off. Stay up with these people and get shitty sleep, or tell these people it's important for you to get sleep (refer back to your Big 4s/Force)!

Some words that might be helpful:

"Hey Susie. I know we've been having fun and staying up until 2am watching TV together, but it's really messing with me. I feel really tired all day, and it's on those days that I end up eating a bunch of junk food and then feel awful and irritable and then pick a fight with you. It's really important to me that I start creating some structure around my sleep. I still want to watch TV with you after work, but I also need to take care of myself, so I am going to start going to bed at 10pm. So when you see me starting to get ready, it would mean the world to me to not call me a loser for going to bed early. I know getting sleep will help me feel better and help our relationship too. Cool?"

Now I am going to list steps that are really helpful to getting good sleep:

Step 3: Give yourself something to look forward to in the morning. So many people struggle with going to bed on time because they don't want to have to wake up in the morning and start their stressful day all over again. This is why I highly suggest giving yourself time for a Self-Care Session where you read, write, exercise, and listen to music before you start your work day. They help you feel good/not gross about your morning!

(This is a lead measure! Doing a cool morning activity is something you have control over!)

Step 4: Decide what time you need to wake up in the morning and then count back 7-8 hours to find your bedtime. Let's pretend you are going to wake up at 6am so that you have 1 hour to do a Self-Care Session and then start getting ready for work at 7am so that you're ready for work at 8am. Cool. So 6am is your wakeup time, and you know yourself and know you do best when you have 7.5 hours of sleep. That means 10:30pm is the time you need to be asleep to get 7.5 hours of sleep.

Step 5: Give yourself a wind down routine to end the night. If you want to be asleep at 10:30pm, maybe at 10:00pm, you wash your face, brush your teeth, and fill up your water bottles. Maybe at 10:10pm, you go into your bedroom, write in your journal, and then turn on a Headspace sleep meditation. We started using Headspace almost 2 years ago, and just the sound of Andy's voice has become a cue for Paul to fall asleep. It's magical. And when you do things over and over again the same way, you create a habit!

(These are all lead measures! They are things you have control over. You don't have control over when your body decides to fall asleep and if you do get the 7.5 hours, but you do have control over setting the environment and taking action!)

Step 6: Be proactive and name all the self-sabotaging thoughts that might prevent you from following through on your sleep plan and have a Magical Action Thought ready.

I included this step because so many of my coaching clients would create a really great plan with me on a call and then not follow through on the plan day to day because an old thought from old self popped up that tried to keep them the same. Then they'd listen to that thought, not follow through on the actions, and the next week, we'd be having the same exact conversation as the previous week. They were stuck in the same spot over and over. No amount of planning would help them change. They needed consistent ACTION to change. But self-sabotaging thoughts were preventing the actions!

Soooo- become aware of your own bullshit. What are the things you tell yourself that will prevent you from following through on this?

Examples:

Self-Sabotaging Thought: "This is the only time I have to spend with my husband. If I go to bed at 10pm, he will be mad at me so I need to stay up until 2am to spend time with him."

Magical Action Thought: "GO TO BED. If I stay up until 2am, I will be mad at myself. I will talk to my husband about scheduling time together in the morning when we workout together or on weekends."

Self-Sabotaging Thought: "If I go to bed, I will have to wake up in the morning and start my stressful to-do list. I just want to scroll a bit longer."

Magical Action Thought: "GO TO BED. If I stay up scrolling, it's actually going to make tomorrow worse! I have a great morning Self-Care Session planned. I am putting on a Headspace to calm my thoughts!"

When you repeat this over and over and over again, it just becomes a part of who you are. In 2014, I was a terrible sleeper! And now, I am a really good sleeper! It takes setting boundaries to become this way!

6 Steps to Becoming a Really Good Sleeper:

Step 1: Name the Big 4s/Force! Pain, pleasure, current identity, and aspirational identity!

Step 2: Be proactive and name the people you will need to tell about your sleep plan.

Step 3: Give yourself something to look forward to in the morning.

Step 4: Decide what time you need to wake up in the morning and then count back 7-8 hours to find your bedtime.

Step 5: Give yourself a wind down routine to end the night.