Dishes + Sleep
I was looking at my habit trackers for dishes and sleep yesterday.
Dishes- going well. I've taken action most days and only a few days I missed. Paul has even started helping. Sometimes he starts the dishes, and I finish or I start and he finishes. We get them all done at night so in the morning the sink is clear and we put the away and the counter is clear.
It feels satisfying to get the dishes done at night. I like seeing the sink clear. I like coloring in the box on my habit tracker. I like not feeling annoyed with myself the next morning.
Success!
Sleep- not going well. I have only gotten to bed before 10pm a handful of times. I'm doing something I did when I was a teacher- staying up late because I feel dread about waking up in the morning and starting my work day. I've been late to class (by 1-3 minutes) almost every single day. I feel stressed in the morning about not getting to class on time. If I just went to be earlier, it'd be easier to wake up and leave!
I'm writing about this to point out how not every change happens easily. Sometimes we're on the struggle bus for a while.
I have been wanting to get the dishes cleared at night for years. I can remember making a habit tracker in 2019 for this very same thing, but the habit tracker slipped off the wall and fell between the cabinet and wall never to be seen again! And then for 5 years, I never did the dishes at night again and let them pile up.
So I know that the dishes didn't magically start getting done. It took me several tries to create this a habit.
So when it comes to sleep, I am giving myself grace. I don't like that I am not taking action, but I also don't need to make myself feel like shit about not taking action.
But what I do need to do is explore the problem more. There is a big reason for why I am delaying going to sleep. I don't have a ton of control over that right now. But right now, I am sick and tired of feeling tired in the morning. I am sick and tired of feeling annoyed with myself. And I am sick and tired of saying I was going to do something and then not doing it. I like being a person who follows through on things. I need to get in bed before 10pm. I need to take care of my body with sleep.
I don't know if I will solve this tonight. Sometimes we sit in misery for a while before we solve something.
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Jaclyn Ricchio
Hey! It's Jaclyn. I'm here to help you stop feeling like a failure by getting consistent with mornings, meals, movement... anything. I hope you stick around and read a bit, will ya?
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