I want to travel, but I have an almost 17 year old dog
We're watching college football, and they're showing the University of Colorado campus. Mountains in the background. Enticing us to come.
Yesterday I wrote about when I feel most alive.
I also feel most alive when I am traveling and exploring.
I just want to be able to travel again.
I say this as I look into my pup's eyes, still believing it's not time to let her go.
She's laying on her pup bed looking into my eyes.
We went for a walk this morning. She ran in the house expecting her pill, Milkbone, and Beggin Strip. The trio has become her morning routine.
Life is in this weird limbo and has been for the last couple of years where I do not feel alive day to day because I'm not getting to do what I actually want to be doing because the pup is still alive and we have to tend to her.
But letting her go is going to be the hardest thing in the world. It's going to hurt so much. I cry as I type this.
And yet I know now is not the time. She still loves walks. She still loves to eat. She still hops up and follows me to the kitchen and lingers behind my every move in case I drop something she can eat.
These last few years have been hard, and she cannot do all the things she used to be able to do, but when I look in her eyes, I think she still wants to be alive. If we put her down now, I imagine her eyes feeling so hurt and confused we would choose to do that to her.
So while I want to travel, it's not time yet. When she is longer here, our world will open up again and we can go anywhere we want.
I guess for right now, what I can do to feel alive is continue to explore where we live and be present with my pup.
Not rush her on the walks. Not get annoyed she always wants to come with. Just be present with her. Take photos. Hug. Pet. Give her things to do.
One day we will travel again, but when that happens, it will mean Jameson no longer exists. And I'm not ready for that.
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Jaclyn Ricchio
Hey! It's Jaclyn. I'm here to help you stop feeling like a failure by getting consistent with mornings, meals, movement... anything. I hope you stick around and read a bit, will ya?
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