69: The Question You Need to Stop Asking Yourself

Hey! It's a week day, and I am back for a new blog post!

Fun fact: I started my first, first blog when I was in high school, I had another lame one when I was in college, and then I started www.jaclynricchio.com in 2016, right when we were leaving Chicago for Atlanta and I had left my teaching career and was trying to figure out what I was going to be doing with my life!

Anywho, blogging started as a semi-hobby in 2016, but it's just like anything else.

In order to get a blog done and "be a blogger," you actually have to set time aside to do it. And if you don't set time aside, you don't do it, it doesn't get done, and you don't ever actually become a blogger.

Anywho- I was very sporadic with blogging! Weeks would go by! Months would go by! And it wouldn't get done. And it was just yet another thing that I failed!

And I would constantly ask the "why can't I" questions.

"Why can't I stick to anything?"

"Why can't I focus on anything? Like ever, my goooooosh!"

"Why can't I figure my life out?"

 "Why can't I just be normal?"

So those were my hidden thoughts on repeat.

And you know what kept happening? I wouldn't get shit done!

Fancy that!

I would skip blogging.

I would skip running.

I wouldn't getting things done.

And when I don't get things done, my mental health suffers, and I continue to feel terrible about myself. My anxiety expands and depressive holes seem imminent. 

I really don't even know what I was doing with my extra time... well, I kinda know. I was spending a lot of time scrolling on social media looking at people who had their lives together. 

So I was looking at them.

I was saying to myself, "Why can't I get my life together?"

And my life would not get together because I wasn't doing any actions to move myself forward.

I was just staying stuck, looking at their lives!!

So at this point, you think you just need to buckle down and just do the actions to get the outcome, and while that IS true that you need action...

There's stuff going on underneath that is blocking you from doing the actions to get the outcome.

I saw myself as a quitter so I thought quitter thoughts, felt crappy, and didn't do the actions! 

I was working with a life coach, and she said to me,

"You need to upgrade your questions. You can't keep saying 'why can't I' because it's just keeping you stuck where you are."

So I got rid of the "why can't I" question and replaced it with another question.

I started asking the question, "How can I figure this out?"

I started seeing myself as someone who could figure things out.

And guess what!? I am someone who can figure things out.

I figured out how to eat healthy without being on a diet.

I figured out how to take care of my mental health.

I figured out how to start a podcast and actually get consistent episodes out there!

I figured out how to start a coaching business and help people be moderate eaters and consistent exercisers.

OK, so dear blog reader, if you're not getting things done and you're not moving along, you probably feel frustrated with yourself. Ok, so when you hear yourself say the question, "Why can't I" as in:

"Why can't I just eat healthy?"

"Why can't I workout consistently?"

"Why can't I like myself?"

"Why can't I just stop scrolling on my phone?

"Why can't I just focus?"

"Why can't I get my life together?"

Remember that that question keeps you stuck and keeps you doing the same crappy actions/inactions.

Replace that question with the question, "How can I figure this out?"

"How can I figure out eating healthy?

"How can I figure out working out consistently?"

"How can I figure out liking myself"

"How can I figure out how to stop scrolling on my phone?"

"How can I figure out focusing on one task?"

"How can I figure out getting my life together?"

And then start to see yourself as someone who IS currently figuring it out. Don't wait until a year from now. Start to acknowledge you're figuring this out as you go.

Again:

1. Replace "Why can't I?" with "How can I figure this out?"

2. Do the actions.

3. Say, "Hey, I AM someone who can figure things out!"

4. Repeat.

5. Watch your life change.

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xo,

Jaclyn